Don't Wanna Think About You
by WincestSounds
Summary: Chapter 3 Finally Up! Draco’s POV. Year 3. Draco has feelings for Harry and it’s hell for him Harry is all he thinks of. Will he tell the boywholived how he feels? What about becoming a Death Eater? DH yaoi, rated for later chapters...
1. The Diary

Don't Wanna Think About You

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Chapter 1 - The Diary

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By KaKaVegeGurl

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KaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurl

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Another fanfic!

Come on in, the steaming cups of yaoi are you your left.

This chapter isn't that long, but it's just the beginning, please read and enjoy!

KaKaVegeGurl

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DontWannaThinkAboutYouDontWannaThinkAboutYouDontWannaThinkAboutYouDontWannaThinkAboutYou

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Flipping as fast as he could to the middle, Draco stopped for a split second, glancing over towards the bedroom door, then; without another thought, he dipped his quill into a green ink bottle and began his fast scribbling on the blank paper.

After minutes of sitting there writing, he was finally finished, he closed the book after the ink had dried and sat back; setting down the quill silently and closing the ink bottle. He then picked up the book; opened the top drawer of his desk and set it in just as the door burst forth.

"Out!"

Draco sat shock for a moment, staring up at his father before getting up and slowly walking out of the room.

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He sat in the livingroom for only a few minutes when his father finally came storming down the stairs, something clutched tightly in his right hand.

Draco felt his face pale as he noted the small green book, his hands were down at his sides, balled into tight sweaty fists.

As Lucius reached the bottom of the stairs Narcissa waltzed into the room as well.

Draco swallowed slowly as Lucius walked up to him.

"What is this rubbish!" He said coldly, he pulled off his glove and then smacked Draco hard across the face, "You think this is some ind of game?"

The young blond pulled his head back to look up in his father's eyes, his cheek stinging loudly as it began swelling in pain.

Lucius stared down at him, "Speak! What makes you think this way? Have taught you nothing?" He held up the book and then handed it to Narcissa.

"I don't know." Draco spoke stilly, even as his father hit him again.

"You are a Malfoy." Lucius stared at him, "And Malfoy's don't think like this! Malfoy's are not gay. And that Potter boy is not anywhere near being your equal. These thoughts are unheard of!"

Draco still stared his father in the eyes, "I'm sorry father."

Lucius sneered, taking the book from Narcissa and throwing it near Draco, "I want you to get rid of that book."

Draco stared down at it as Lucius left the room, Narcissa still stood there, staring him down with a cold glare.

"How could you do this to us?" She asked as her eyes watered in anger, "You are an embarrassment to this family, you best _straighten_ up." She then turned on he heels and fled the room in the same direction Lucius went.

"Straighten up...?" Draco stood and began his short journey up the flight of stairs, he then walked to his room and closed the door behind him. He then swept over to his bed and hid the small green booklet in the far corner behind the four poster. 

"Straighten up..." He repeated removing his shirt and shoes, as well as his pants and then his socks, he then slowly climbed into bed.

"Just four more years, just four." He whispered silently to himself as he began to drift off into a deep sleep.

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"We need to do something now, before this gets out of hand."

"I know, honey, but how can we stop it."

"Unforgivable curse?"

Draco listened to the sound of his father's conversation comming from the dining hall; the young blond opened the door slowly.

He saw both Lucius and Narcissa look up from their breakfast.

Draco frowned at once, taking a seat at the opposite end of the long table, as far away from them as possible, he had an odd feeling that he wouldn't be eating this morning.

"Did you get rid of that book, Draco?" Lucius stared at his son in a very buisness-like manner.

Draco stared at him, he then looked down at the table, "Yes father."

"Excellent." Said Lucius turning to Narcissa, "We don't want something like that in this house when the Dark Lord comes back."

Draco rolled his eyes in private, "You seem very keen on the thought that he will."

Lucius stopped and turned to Draco, "What did you just say?"

"Nothing father."

Lucius stared at him and then stood up, "Very well. Your mother and I are leaving on a buisness trip today; we shall be gone for at least a week."

"But what about me schooling? I have to be in London in two days; how do I get there?" Draco asked as Lucius and Narcissa stood up.

"It's already arranged, you'll get there." Lucius turned and left the room, Narcissa in tow behind him.

Draco frowned and got up as well, "I'm sure it is."

He left the Dining Hall and set off back to his room.

When he came in he climbed under his bed and snatched up the small green journal once again. He set it down on his desk, taking a seat, he opened it to where he left off, grabbing his quill and the same green ink bottle from before, he dipped his quill in and began to write once more.

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KaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurl

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Thus ends this Chapter!

KaKaVegeGurl


	2. The First Day Back

Don't Wanna Think About You

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Chapter 2 - The First Day Back

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By KaKaVegeGurl

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KaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurl

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Almost an entire year, god, you guys, I am SO sorry! I suck so bad, I promise SOONER updates, I do! I'm so, so, so, so sorry! Please forgive me everyone, this fanfic I had a LARGE writers block on, but hopefully it is over now!

I hope you all enjoy this chapter, please take a seat, have a nice steaming cup of yaoi, and enjoy!

KaKaVegeGurl

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_To SR: "Thank you! Please continue on!"

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MiracleMiracleMiracleMiracleMiracleMiracleMiracleMiracleMiracleMiracleMiracleMiracle

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Draco clambered out of the large black car, straightening out his pants as he saw another car pull up beside his.

The Slytherin paused, watching the large, porky man in the driver's seat, a very chunky man with little neck and smooth specky blond hair, next to him; in the Passenger's seat sat a very skinny woman, with a face like a horse and a sallow look to her skin.

The only person Draco could see in the back was a very large, very fat, very ugly boy with blond hair, Draco nicked his head back in disgust as the fat boy chomped down on a donut, stuffing his face with it and finally turned to look at him.

The extremely obese boy pressed his ugly fat head to the glass to get a better look.

Draco just glared hard at him and began his walk into King's Cross Station, one of his servants dragging the luggage along behind him.

The Blond pushed back his loose hair as he walked right through the wall between Nine and Ten, stepping out onto the Platform, Nine and Three-Quaters, his usual sneer set in place as his servant continued to follow him.

Draco smiled charmingly at all the girls that giggled as he walked by, stepping up into the train and walking down the hall and into a Compartment.

He packed away his stuff and watched his servant leave to go back to the car, Draco looked out the window and glared when the first thing that met his eyes were the Golden Trio.

He watched as Harry laughed and ran a hand through his hair, Draco sighed sadly, feeling the urges fighting around in the pit of his stomach, he felt his heart skip that certain beat, the beat it skipped every time he saw Harry. And then, he smiled.

For some reason, every time he saw Harry, he wanted to smile, it was only when he knew for sure that he wasn't being watched, that he actually did.

Draco finally frowned, coming back to his senses... He knew he couldn't have Harry. He knew he never would. So what was there to smile about? Was there ever anything at all?

The fluttering in Draco's stomach turned, and rather then feel the usual need for Harry; he felt pain... A pain so bad, he could swear it was an omen of his death.

He felt the ache of loss swell over him. And he knew... Even if he _could _have Harry... Could **be **with Harry... He wouldn't ever allow himself such the pleasure. He could never let himself be so lucky... Never be so loved...

Not by someone so pure... Someone who deserved so much more. Harry was a god, and he deserved only the best. And that didn't include Draco anywhere.

The Slytherin watched him still.

As Harry talked on with his friends, smiling, and laughing... Draco was dying inside... How badly the Prince wanted to be the one making Harry so happy. How honestly he knew that it would never happen.

Draco was the antagonist, he was born to make Harry's life a living hell, he was breathing just to make the light and happiness fade from the Golden Boy's face.

Every year he spent his every waking moment just thinking of how to disappoint Harry, thinking of how to start another argument, how to make those beautiful bright Green eyes flare with anger. Damn how fait had dealt him such a bad hand.

The Slytherin watched as Harry nodded to Hermione and turn to get on the train finally. Draco sighed again, yes... A bad hand in deed.

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"You **fainted**, _Potter_? Is Longbottom telling the truth? You _actually _fainted?"

Harry turned and glared as Draco stepped into his view, stopping him from walking into the Great Hall, "Shove off Malfoy." He croaked boredly.

"What a witty comeback, Potter." Draco countered.

"If you want a better one, you can meet my fist. We can set up a date."

Hermione grabbed Harry's arm, trying to stop him from arguing any further. Ron's face had now turned a deep red.

Draco glared at him, moving his head slightly to get his short bangs out of his eyes, "How _Muggle_-like. It almost makes me sick."

Harry rolled his eyes, pulling his arm sharply from Hermione so she could stop tugging at him to stop, "Yeah? Well the **Muggle-like** side of me is about to break your nose."

Draco paled, "Since when did the Gryffindor Golden Boy get so violent?" The Slytherin smiled when Harry's eyebrows narrowed more, "Threats, feeble threats in a sad attempt to make me back off... Well, You're failing miserably."

"Sod off already Malfoy, I don't need your crap right now." Harry pushed past Draco and marched into the Great Hall, head held high, talking his seat at the Gryffindor table.

Both Hermione and Ron glared at him before doing just as their best friend had.

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Draco, who was still standing outside the hall, just sighed and leaned against the outer walls of Hogwarts before crumbling into a heap on the ground.

He pulled his hands up to wipe the unshed tears from his eyes, he refused to cry.

Malfoy's never cry, and he wasn't about to start... If there was one thing that hurt him most... It was hurting Harry. And he knew he had said something in there that had upset the Gryffindor more then usual.

Draco finally collected himself and got back up, straightening out his tie and fixing his hair before waltzing into the Great Hall, he just had sat down as the first years came shuffling in nervously.

The Slytherin put his head in his hands as the Sorting Hat began to sing, yes, this year was probably going to be the hardest for him. He knew that for sure.

And with the pressure behind his father, pushing him and teaching him how to become a Death Eater, it was going to be even more of the hell he would be in when he died. If only it were simple enough to seek help, refuge from the future.

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KaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurlKaKaVegeGurl

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Thus ends another Chapter! Please wait for more! And review please?

KaKaVegeGurl


	3. Shield In Front Of Emotions

**Don't Wanna Think About You**

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By KaKaVegeGurl

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**Author's Note:**

I was actually considering discontinuing this fanfic fer a while, but I think I've decided against it fer the time being. So I hope you lot enjoy this chapter!

Have a nice steaming cup of yaoi, and enjoy!

KaKaVegeGurl

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**To the Reviewers:**

_To BadBloodwllout: "Aww thank you! I'm glad you like it! Well, here's Chapter 3, hope yer still reading!"_

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**Chapter 3 – Shield In Front Of Emotions**

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I am Draco Malfoy. The only heir of Lucius Malfoy, and the one expected to continue the line.

My duties are not only that however.

But to follow in my father's foot steps, to be respected by others, and to be great; that is what is expected of me. I can not fail at anything I work hard toward; simply because I am a Malfoy.

That is what being a Malfoy is about.

Malfoys do not fail, Malfoys do not show weakness, and Malfoys are strong willed and determined. That is what makes us who we are.

And I am a Malfoy.

Despite the fact that I have lived with my mother and father my entire life, and seen them go through many phases, name could I not a time that my father or my mother had failed in something they were determined to achieve. I have never experienced seeing my father become weak, or even my mother. They were both always polite and professional. Even with their son.

You simply never saw them tending to me in a motherly or fatherly manner. Because that was not Malfoy-like.

Growing up in that house with them and being expected to be like them was possibly the hardest thing I've went through in my entire life.

When a child is first born its instinct, when they don't get what they want, or they are hurt, is to cry. But I was expected to cast that instinct aside, and ignore it.

That is how I grew up. Learning to cast aside emotion, and defeat feelings such as sympathy and guilt.

But I was hoping that one day someone would save me from that life, accept me for the person I truly was, and I could finally feel.

But even then there was a problem with that.

As no one has, or would ever, seen the real me. It was impossible for them to simply want to get to know me thinking that I was the rude, snobby, selfish boy they had always seen before.

I hoped that Potter would be that person, the person so free me from my imprisonment.

But that was false hope.

I had made him bitter towards me through two years of insults and jeers. And I still continued to do it to this day.

How could I possibly show him that I wasn't really like that without blowing my cover completely?

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Draco stared across the Great Hall; he had always drifted off that way whenever he was upset, or needed to muffle the area around him; he seeked refuge in the amusement the Gryffindors gave him. Staring out at the Golden Trio as they talked and laughed, it confused him sometimes at how different their tables were, as none of the Slytherins were like that. The green table was quite quiet in comparison, fellow Slytherins would talk to each other about news in the Prophet, but they never joked or had fun.

Draco half wished he was at the Gryffindor table, grinning wide and laughing at whatever it was they were laughing at, not worrying if the person next to him was antagonizing him, or questioning him.

Never before had any of them noticed he was staring their way until today, it was interesting when Harry Potter turned his head and stared directly at him, grin wide before fading, not into a scowl, but just lips. Draco's brows rose in response before he decided this was his moment, being a Malfoy who controlled there emotions he decided to drop the façade.

He felt his face relax immediately, eyebrows rising slowly and eyes becoming glassy. An expression known as pain and sadness swelled over his usually handsome, sneering features before he stood, returning to normal Malfoy and walking out of the Great Hall.

He remembered just before he turned away, the shock that had engulfed the raven-haired Gryffindor that was watching him, mouth open in speechlessness, but Draco saw no more as he pushed through one of the large doors.

He had originally planned to just go back to the Slytherin dormitories and get his stuff ready for class, but that wasn't what happened.

Instead, just as he started walking down the hallway, the Great Hall doors opened once more.

"Malfoy!"

Draco whipped around quickly to stare in complete shock as Harry Potter stood there, wand in hand, his cloak blowing lightly in the wind. The Slytherin stared at him for a moment before nodding in response and saying in an interested and curious voice; "Yes?"

Harry walked slowly up to him and stared still, "What was that for?"

Draco looked around slowly like he didn't understand what Harry was asking from him, "What are you talking about Potter?"

"Don't you even play dumb with me," Harry said, now glaring at him, "That expression you gave me, did you just do that to get me to come out here?"

Draco cocked a brow at him, "You ever maybe think that it isn't illegal to express emotion through your face?"

Harry stopped for a moment before backing up, "It just seemed like you were asking for something. Attention maybe?"

"I get plenty of attention Potter." Before Harry turned away, Draco let the expression on his face slip again, almost too much, he felt a tear slide down his cheek and hit the floor.

Draco smiled sadly and looked down at his feet where it had dropped, "But perhaps not enough."

Harry's eyes were wide in shock once more, "Malfoy?"

The Slytherin felt his lips shake for a moment before he realized he'd let too much get out, he hardened his face immediately, staring back up at Harry before turning around and walking away, "It's funny when people watch you so much, but they never really see you."

Harry stared after him in disbelief. Had he actually just seen that?

His eyes traveled back down to the fallen tear splattered wide on the sidewalk before turning around, _of course he had seen it_, and set off back into the Great Hall.

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Draco noticed the unusual attention immediately that day, there was no way Harry would stop staring at him.

Perhaps he was waiting for a sign of that raw emotion from before. He had watched Draco all through out Potions and Transfiguration before the Slytherin finally decided to give him a heads up.

Just as they were leaving classes for a free period, Harry still with his eyes completely on Draco as the entire class vacated the room, save them two, Draco stopped and stood to stare at Harry.

He turned around and left the room, the Gryffindor hot on his tail. Finally when Draco felt they were far enough away from any form of human presence, he turned and grabbed Harry by the collar of his cloak and threw him up against the wall.

"You better have a good reason for staring at me all day." He sneered.

Harry gasped at the pressure against the crook of his neck as Draco's grip tightened; he glared at the boy in front of him, "I-I don't understand-"

"You didn't bother to hide the fact that you were staring at me, so what's wrong?" The Slytherin glared at him hard.

Harry grabbed Draco's hand with his left and removed it from his cloak before pushing the blond boy away completely. They stared at each other for a minute or two before Harry finally answered.

"I guess I was just waiting to see it again."

"See what?" Draco asked, even though he already knew what Harry was talking about.

Harry seemed to be struggling in his mind for the right words before he responded, "What I'm guessing is… The emotions you try to hide the-"

"Wrong." Draco interrupted him and stood up straight, his hand was at his wand as he stared out at the grounds, "You didn't see anything. Because there is nothing to see."

He had to keep himself calm, he had to still be a Malfoy, maybe Harry would realize just what he was implying.

The Golden Boy stared at him in confusion, "If it wasn't emotions that you normally hide from everyone, that you were showing me, then what was it?"

Before he knew anything more he was pushed back up against the wall and Draco was holding his wand to the Gryffindors chin, sneering once more.

In a whispered voice he hissed between his teeth, "_It wasn't emotions. It was me._"

Harry's eyes widened in shock at the Parseltongue that spilled from the Slytherin's lips, but more at the severe closeness of the boy pressed against him.

"_It was Draco Malfoy_." He hissed softly, he was so close that their lips were brushing featherly against each other as he spoke.

Before anything more could be said the Slytherin pushed away from him and ran down the hall way.

Harry crashed down to the floor as his knees refused to support him.

What was that?

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**Ending Notes:**

Woo! Alright lemme get a few things clear, you lot are all prolly a lil confused atm.

Draco's emotions are easy to spill out once he drops this so called "shield", and it's obviously scaring the shit out of Harry.

You'll soon come to find out that there are a lot more then just emotions that Draco is hiding.

Something along the lines of an alternate personality; in the making.

Lemme see if I can explain this…

Draco has suppressed his feelings for so long that there are now two Dracos. Sort of like a second person in him. You have the real Draco, that's been fighting to get out but has been too weak to get out, and the Draco that you see almost all the time that wants Harry to accept him.

The outer Draco we see all the time is trying to put down his guards to let the real Draco in, but it's hard, and they're fighting, so while Draco can appear cold and nasty, the real, sweet Draco can say things you wouldn't normally hear coming out of a face full of loathing.

This isn't too much of a problem considering that they both love Harry equally, they both are Draco of course, but it's like two Dracos. The real Draco, and the Malfoy Draco that wants his family to accept him as that.

The Malfoy Draco is the Draco that while he does have feelings for Harry, he wants people to respect him just as much.

You'll find out more about the two as this goes one but I'll say this now…

The two Draco's weren't even two separate minds back in the chapter before this; it's the decision to let Harry know about the real him that is making this alternate Draco. His own want to show Harry him is what is making his mind split into two separate personalities.

KaKaVegeGurl


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